To Love
by 72HoursTsukuyomi
Summary: Itachi indulges Sasuke for a day solely their own. Sasuke remembers. Maybe because it was one of the most important days of his miserable existence. Maybe because he had been taught the lesson that would define his whole life.


"Are we there yet nii-san?". He paced quickly in order to catch up to the taller figure before him, while focusing on the back of his black shirt with the small Uchiha crest on the right sleeve. They've been walking near the river in the western forest approximately 2 kilometers away from Konoha, for almost forty minutes and he found himself being impatient.

"Not very long now…",the black long-haired 13-year-old boy turned his head to his younger brother with a small smile, lighting his pale features and his deep dark eyes.

"That's what you've been telling me for some time now…",the younger boy pouted while avoiding his brother's eyes and blushing, with a look of annoyance, yet clear enthusiasm drawn in his now red face. He has seen this look before and couldn't but enjoy the sight of his younger brother's childish embarrassed expressions. He sighed slightly, bending his head a little to the left, with the smile still on his face.

"That's what happens, when you ask me every five minutes Sasuke…"

The younger moved to be able to walk beside his brother while facing the ground beneath him. "I'm sorry…",he said seriously, almost sadly, "It's just…that it's been some time since we last trained together, now that you are busy with your Anbu missions, and…"But the next moment he raised his head, glancing at the narrow path ahead and brought his fists up, his eyes turning determined, excited… _happy_ , "…I can't wait to show you how much I've progressed and…and for you to teach me some cool new jutsu!".He turned to his surprised big brother with vivid gleaming dark eyes, full of admiration and expectation.

Itachi could feel Sasuke's gleeful and hopeful stare like a knife through his heart. He could easily read his brother. He knew the younger was excited to finally have his undivided attention exclusively on him. He turned his own head facing the ground, his expression hollow. Had it been otherwise he would be proud for managing to become his younger brother's role model. But now…He didn't deserve any of this, he knew. Not after what he had become. Guilt and disgust for himself crawled up his spine, so that he thought he would vomit them out.

He felt a pushing distracting him from his thoughts, and turning his head slightly up and to the right he caught a glimpse of a slender small hand clutching tightly on the fabric of his own black shirt like it's life depended on it and some inches away a worried, if not scared, young face. They both stopped walking. "Are you ok, aniki?", he asked with concerned voice. Itachi could see he almost feared that they might have to return home, thus losing one of the few chances they had to spend time together. "You've paled for a while. Are you sure you can keep up? Maybe you're ill or tired or…hungry. Did you eat anything today?".

Sasuke was always sharp, quick and observant, Itachi remembered. Otherwise he would have missed his almost undetectable change of mood. Despite his words, the undertone of his voice reassured Itachi that deep down he was pleading him to withstand whatever the problem was, so that they would continue moving. _Wrong._ No, his brother shouldn't be so dependent on him, he shouldn't look up to him, he shouldn't need him, he shouldn't…adore him. And soon he would know why.

He laughed lightly at his younger brother and pet his head softy with his right hand and ruffled his hair slightly, his face once again enlightened by this kind smile he would always flash him, before poking him on the forehead and asking him to forgive him, maybe next time. He was terrified this is what would follow, but couldn't keep it in his mind for long, while closing his eyes momentarily and savoring the gentle touch of his brother's palm on his head. He suddenly and inexplicably felt unique and… _safe._

"Don't worry little brother. I'm fine. It's nothing…", he replied kindly and teasingly, discarding every previous dark thought. "Besides, we cannot afford to spoil our plans on a special day like this…".He began walking again and immediately he heard Sasuke's quickened footsteps behind him, until he caught up to him and turned curiously towards him. "Special? You mean because we spend it together?"

"I can't believe you forgot about it again…",he sighed with his eyes closed in disbelief, while moving his head right and left, expressing what could be interpreted as disappointment. Sasuke faced on the path ahead of them with trees and bushes on both sides of it and then to his left towards the water in the river focusing on his and his brother's reflection, while realizing he was left a little bit behind. _Special? What does aniki mean? I can't think of anything so special about today…_ he thought to himself, having noticed his brother's disappointment from before and couldn't help but feel disappointment for himself to have disappointed him. He didn't notice Itachi's concerned sole eye observing him from upon his shoulder.

He kept his eyes on the calm blue water and his own blurry reflection as they kept on their way, without realizing they've been walking speechless for quite some time. In the sound of his brother's steady pacing, the rustling of the leaves of the countless trees around him, the periodical chirping of the various birds, the calming flow of the river, he could easily let his perplexed thoughts and emotions drift. A blue butterfly crossed his field of vision and sat on a fallen marigold which was swept away by the waters, and he let himself stare its natural magnificence, amazed that even if its wings granted it the ability to fly to any flower, to be absolutely free, it still chose the nectar of this fallen one. As the water was running by, the flower with the butterfly flowed upon Itachi's reflection. Sasuke's eyes narrowed slightly. Maybe it was because Itachi was always like this perfect butterfly, and he was always the frail, powerless marigold, which kept restricting it and pushing it down.

From the corner of his vision on the reflection of the trees behind his own, he spotted or at least he thought he did, something shadowy-like rushing through the branches. He immediately turned abruptly behind him to take a closer look, but couldn't make out anything. Itachi apparently noticed and turned from just some feet ahead to face him, wearing his usual calm yet serious look on his face. "Is something _wrong_ , Sasuke?" He took some time before answering, while still scrutinizing futilely the forest before him. "No…it's just…I thought I saw something moving…", he said petrified to the spot. Itachi moved a little closer to the trees and then with a high jump reached the branch closer to him and started scanning the area himself. "I don't see anything out of the ordinary. Are you sure it wasn't just some extremely fast, flexible and incredibly sly weasel?", he asked him innocently while still touching the trunk of the huge old tree, turning his head just a little so as to face him.

Sasuke smiled secretly at the implied irony. "I'm pretty sure there's no such weasel around here…" he teased, "…though it might have been an animal…".He looked more serious at his last words. Whatever that was, it had startled him, Itachi found out. He closed his eyes and sighed putting the situation behind them, with a slight smirk on his face remembering Sasuke's reply. He jumped off the tree, close to his brother. "Let's go…"he motioned to him "we're almost there…".

Sasuke's face shined with a small yet bright smile, which was able to light his every feature. Itachi had seen this smile before, displayed only for him. He was sure Sasuke hasn't realized that, and even though he himself knew he should pity himself right now, he couldn't help but feel… _happy_.

They began their way again. Sasuke couldn't believe it was that far from Konoha. "So, nii-san…what is this place you want to show me?", he asked, the excitement rising with every step closer to their goal. He imagined a really cool lonely place for just him and his brother.

"It's nothing much…just a place I used to train with Shisui at, when we had the time. It's a nice and quiet place and there's little possibility that we will be disturbed by anyone, so I thought to bring you here." Itachi smiled to him, closing his eyes. One would be absolutely oblivious to miss the pain and misery in Itachi's voice, when he mentioned the name of their dead cousin, who was also his only real friend, Sasuke thought. Admittedly however, he didn't linger on that fact for long, being incompetent of holding back the wave of exhilaration that enraptured him upon realizing that his brother himself wanted to spend his whole day with him…just _him…_ unbothered.

They could no longer see the river from where they were walking. It has been another twenty minutes of walking, until they turned right jumping off a fallen trunk of a tree and cautious of the branches each too close to the other blocking the narrow path ahead. It was kind of dark since the foliations of the trees were so thick, they almost didn't permit the sun light to touch the forest ground. Sasuke carefully mimicked Itachi's every move so as to escape this completely inconvenient path as quickly as possible.

Strong rays of light blinded his eyes. He brought his right hand up to cover his face, shielding it from the sudden light, before slowly focusing on the opening of the trees that the light was coming from. With every step it was coming closer and he felt his heart pounding even faster as the light became gradually brighter. Without ever asking his brother, he knew; that was their destination.

Upon approaching the opening even more, the path became wider and more comfortable to walk through. By now he could discern the morning sky and numerous mountains on the horizon beyond the opening. They reached the "entrance". He stopped to process the place, his eyes floating mesmerized to its every corner. He spotted Itachi standing a little behind him and concluded that he was right. Beautiful and quiet. Ecstasy taking control of him, he began running towards the edge of the cliff, his dark blue shoes being caressed by the smooth fresh grass and the red camellias that graced with their vivid reviving color the slightly downward ground. It was a rather large place, rounded with huge trees that granted it with their refreshing, cool shadows, much like an oasis in an eternal desert. Upon reaching the edge, the gentle morning breeze embraced him. He closed his eyes and let his dark hair and loose clothes dance in the wind. He felt new amounts of oxygen being welcomed in his organism, new amounts of energy being bestowed upon him just as the breeze touched his skin, like a caring and loving mother. He could feel his mind clearing little by little, being manipulated by the serenity this whole place radiated, every muscle on his body relaxing, the pulses of his heart decreasing their speed dramatically fast. His entire existence becoming a part of this little hidden paradise, as he decided to call the place. And his brother decided to share this place with him, of all people. Somehow that was what made him feel the greatest. It is _perfect_.

"Wow! Brother, it's amazing!", he exclaimed when he could regain his self control turning his head back to face Itachi, who was now moving closer, frozen in place by the simple _perfection_ of the place. "I can't believe you used to train here! How did you find it? You can see the whole Konoha from here!" he looked ahead at the landscape before him, consisting of their village seemingly too small from that high above, large forested areas, mountains and a _perfect_ clear blue sky, decorated with some snow white clouds and a warm bright big sun. The older boy moved a little closer and then sat himself just a little before the more downward ground started, resting his left hand on his left leg which he held closer to his chest, while the other lay on the grass. His long dark ponytail, the free dark bangs rounding his face and his loose high-neck shirt move according the rhythmic flow of the mild cool wind. Just as if he was a part of the _perfect_ synthesis all along. "I'm glad you like it, Sasuke…" he turned to him and smiled "…Shisui originally discovered the place on his return from a mission in the Land of Grass. Well…if he wanted to rest, practically nothing could stop him…" he smiled bitterly at himself.

Sasuke didn't need to look at him to know. His brother would never get over their cousin's death, and he couldn't help but feel a little guilty that he came here again for him. This place was obviously haunted with painful memories. He turned and stared at Itachi, who once again smiled proudly having noticed his younger brother's concern, while the latter averted the older boy's eyes blushing slightly embarrassed.

"Sasuke, come here…I want to give you something!" Itachi offered while motioning with his right hand for the younger Uchiha.

Surprised and clearly curious, with excitement all over his young face, he ran immediately towards his brother, upon hearing his call. He didn't have the time to actually stop before to pale long soft fingers reached the skin of his forehead, shoving him a little off balance, bringing him to a sudden unexpected stop. He has felt those fingers countless times before. He had in fact subconsciously combined them with his brother leaving him, after asking for his forgiveness. He almost trembled at that. Even though he knew this wouldn't be the case this time around. And yet when the soft skin of the fingers detached from his, he found himself disappointed, like being violently forced back to reality. Unwillingly he made this adorable to Itachi, slightly frustrated and accusing flashed face and turned his head away. Itachi couldn't help but laugh in this kind way that could make the younger forget the world. Without saying a word he sat down next to his older brother and watched expectantly as the later shifted on his spot accordingly to be able to face him straight forward crossing his legs beneath him.

Immediately he got his hand behind his back, searching in the small case hung around his waist for a scroll, between several kunai, shuriken and first aid medical supplies. Once he found it, he brought it to the ground, unfolding it a bit until a series of black kanji in strange patterns were revealed. He'd seen those kind of patterns before and thus he was certain that Itachi was about to summon something. He approached his delicate, obviously experienced fingers to the paper, while blue chakra started peeking around them, then he turned to his younger brother pushing him out of his trail of thought, when the latter focused his gaze on him.

"Close your eyes.". The younger's features transformed into a barely visible confused look. Itachi could still discern the rising interest behind it, though.

He obeyed his brother and soon he could only see darkness with his closed eyes. He could also hear nothing from the older boy before him, so trying getting a hang of what he was summoning with his hearing was in vain. He felt his breath caught in his throat. Tension crawling into every muscle of his thin body. Anticipation rising to dangerous levels.

"Alright…you can open them now." He heard the redemptive words loud as thunder. He missed his heart skipping the next beat. His mind stopped momentarily and he just opened his eyes slowly, as if scared of what he would come across. As if those seconds of merely, helplessly waiting hadn't seemed like eons.

His vision was blurry in the beginning, trying to gradually focus on the object before him. His brain still unable to comprehend what it actually was.

"Happy birthday, Sasuke!", the gentle voice caressed his ears. His brother's unique encouraging, bright smile on his face and his eyes closed accompanying the entire look. The world faded to white around him and his brother as he stayed there, body motionless, eyes too wide, clutching the fabric of his white shorts, almost ready to rip it apart, as he was staring in front of him at the small chocolate-based, neatly decorated birthday cake, with the sole 8 cuddle on it and its flickering fire, dancing in the breeze.

 _Special day_ … His mind started processing the situation slowly. His eyes refused to let go of the tension and he was trying his hardest just to breathe. His chest was threatening to explode. Itachi titled his head slightly to one side, regarding his utterly confused and frozen younger brother. He would lie to claim he didn't enjoy it. "Don't look so surprised Sasuke… you always forget about your birthday…come on…make a wish!", he urged him, pointing to the cake with his eyes. The younger seemed too still. He guessed the surprise was most successful.

 _A wish?_ His mind began to function properly little by little. _What should I wish for?_ He asked himself looking at his brother's pleased face, as if having asked him, his senses still numb. His gaze then focused on the fire, waiting impatiently to be put out, and he immediately regretted the mental question. He knew all too well what he truly ever wished for.

Soon enough the fire was no more. From the corner of his vision, he caught Itachi's hand extending towards him, holding what looked like a black sheath, which was previously positioned in his lap, but Sasuke hadn't of course noticed. "Here…", the older boy almost whispered. His small slender hands moved forward on slow reflex to free it from his brother's hold. His small hands run on top of it, feeling it, processing it, analyzing it, already …adoring it. Then he continued on to unsheathe it slowly. "It isn't anything important, I know…", he almost didn't hear his brother's words, too charmed, too lost in his new sword's magnificence. The tips of his small fingers ran on the cool, merciless, stainless metal of the blade, caressing it smoothly, as it shined on the sunlight and reflected his seemingly expressionless, but in fact awed face. He could feel the uncontrollable urge to use it right away rushing through his veins, his body overflowing with adrenaline. It's been long since he felt such a strong mix of emotions so strongly in such a small period of time. He would later admit to himself…only Itachi had the influence, the power to trigger this.

He continued talking keeping his head low, almost as if he was feeling guilty or as if he apologized to him, avoiding the younger's eyes, which would travel from the blade to him and back again, and focused on the ground instead. He obviously didn't pay attention to the mesmerized little boy before him, touching his present carefully, as if it could break into a million pieces any moment, along with his fragile existence. "…but…well…we usually have unrestricted access to the Anbu weaponry, and when I saw that katana I thought it kind of suited you…". He now looked at his younger brother, who was now regarding him, still speechless, as if he was hanging on every word. His own pride for him evident in his tone as he continued, "…given it's light and not too long, thus easily used, and its blade slender but still sharp, and so… I dec-"

He could only imagine that this was the way his brother freed the bottled up pandemonium of emotions, he hadn't expressed from the moment he allowed him to open his eyes, and felt his heart caught in his throat, threatening to escape soon. The next thing he knew was the slight pain of his back and head against the ground and the hair of his long ponytail scattered between fresh grass and lonely, _perfect_ red camellias, as he felt a small thin body pressing against his, pulling him into a breathless hug. Sasuke's head buried itself in the black cloth that covered aniki's torso, his nose soon filling with his beloved brother's scent, while his small fingers clutched the back of the black shirt so firmly, as if Itachi would run away if he let go even the slightest. "Thank you, brother!", he said honestly and happily almost under his breath, yet was sure that the older boy had heard him clearly. He felt his intensified body abate rapidly. All those drowning emotions of glee, enthusiasm, surprise, gratitude, adoration, which were capable of tearing his small chest to shreds, have subsided significantly. And instead he felt calm, serine, safe. As if he belonged there.

Itachi's completely taken aback look refused to abandon him, as his eyes roamed on the top of his otouto's head. He looked away momentarily, guilt creeping inside of him again and wished to return the hug when he realized his arms wouldn't obey his commands. So he just turned back at his brother's head, closed his eyes and smiled to it. That gentle, caring, true _smile_ that would always haunt him in his dreams. _Wrong._

He broke the hug suddenly after some moments, that passed without both of them realizing. Immediately he rushed to his spot opposite of his brother and as if he was being chased, he grabbed the little spoon next to the cake and ate two mouthfuls of cake, not paying attention to the older boy, who was still returning to his original position, dusting his clothes from the previous encounter with the ground, eyeing him curiously and joyfully. He savored the dominant chocolate flavor, even when munching hurriedly and gluttonously. He normally didn't like sweets and Itachi knew it, but this one was different. It was better than any other food, sweet or not. It was a gift from his _aniki_.

With the cake's ingredients still around his mouth he caught the katana tightly on his hand and diverged further from his spot, proudly and excitedly. "Let's train then, nii-san!", he exclaimed pointing his gaze at the older boy. He unsheathed it and started swinging it around, apparently examining the way he could handle its weight and structure, moving his hands rhythmically in a way almost too proficient for an amateur, as Itachi mentally noted. He wasn't the best student at the Academy for no reason. In the characteristic noises of the blade cutting through mere air, blocking all the other already almost inaudible nature sounds-he felt the sense of immense superiority overwhelming him, sending electricity throughout his body, almost imagined his first victim begging him for mercy, while he had complete control over their life and death and their blood coloring his blade. _Wrong._ _Nothing could possibly feel that good. Wrong._

The next moment he reconsidered. He felt a stronger bigger hand around his own, clutching it firmly yet gently, when he noticed his brother behind him kneeling to his level, with his free hand on his left shoulder. "Here…try holding it that way." He oriented his hand appropriately upon tutoring him the most convenient way to use it and at the same time some basic techniques.

Even just by those simple movements he was teaching, it was more than obvious not only to Sasuke that Itachi was worlds apart from approximately every Konoha shinobi, worlds apart from almost any shinobi, worlds apart from _him_. He was on a thoroughly different level. In fact, he created a level of his own. This was his brother. He felt pride and the slightest amount of jealousy, which quickly turned into determination and he focused on aniki's words completely.

Slowly and steadily at the beginning, he started swinging the sword around, according to Itachi's examples and soon he gladly found out it wasn't that hard. He had a natural talent for it, his older brother realized. After some minutes he moved a little away from his older brother and begun trying to combine the swings with more intense and fast bodily movements seemingly brutally attacking on someone. It definitely hadn't been the first time he used a katana. But it surely was the first time he felt as if the blade was made exclusively for him. As if it was merely an extension of his hand.

 _He wished his younger brother would never have to touch a sword._

But the world wasn't how it should. And without doubt and remorse he preferred him to be the killer, rather than the killed. _Wrong._

Sasuke didn't miss the prideful and encouraging look in nii-san's face. _This felt even better._

He noticed Itachi making some quick hand signs, his slender long fingers moving as if a blur. A popping sound and some smoke, revealed soon after a second Itachi, a perfect copy next to the original. "Alright, Sasuke…let's see you try to defeat this clone!", the original suggested before walking behind him to advise and lead the younger against…himself.

The clone crossed his arms and moved into position a few meters away from his kid brother, smiling encouragingly yet cunningly, while Sasuke braced himself. Even against a clone, this was still Itachi's clone and though he knew the other would not fight for real, something told him this would be a long and hard battle. He needed to perfect his control over the katana. He needed to show his brother his progress up until now. He needed to prove his improving abilities to him. He needed to see that proud face of his again and again. He finally had his brother's attention solely on him. He wouldn't let the chance go to waste. Adrenaline flooded his body once more and his mind could only process -lock on- the target at hand, erasing anything else that occupied his focused vision. He casted a challenging smile that radiated determination, confidence and excitement. His grip on the hilt of _his_ katana tightened. "Let's do this!".

He felt the tickling of its cool surface against his pale exposed skin, breathing steadily and slowly, every evidence of fatigue and vigilance abandoning him, expect for the various small scars and bruises, alongside with a great deal of dirt on his clothes. He deemed them completely insignificant. Still he preferred to move as little as possible, since straining them further morphed winces on his face, as pain and exhaustion took effect on his young thin body. It almost scared him how much he _loved_ those sudden jolts of pain, which mercilessly penetrated his body. They made him feel that he had somehow started pacing faster towards achieving new unknown to him lengths of power, maybe even inconceivably closer to _him_.

He couldn't believe so many hours have already passed. He had thought that right then eternity could appear like mere seconds for him. He hadn't bothered with meaningless concepts like time. For once he could finally touch what he so deeply wanted. He wished he could crush time itself and hold _it_ in his yearning palms infinitely. The sun was already setting behind the mountains opposite from them, coloring the clouds in different hues of orange, red and pink and shading most details of the surrounding landscape. The sunset wasn't so majestic when he viewed it from the compound in the village. The thought run through his mind for less than a second.

The realization that they would finally have to return, threatened to rip down his small defenseless heart. Apart from leaving this beautiful place he would be forced to cope with the unbearable fact that something like that wouldn't happen anytime soon. He didn't blame _him_ though. He understood all too well _his_ responsibilities, the expectations _he_ was obliged to exceed, the heavy burden _he_ had to carry. That was at least what he believed. He allowed the reviving breeze blow through his loose clothes and black bangs of hair and feel the allegiance of his pale skin against its caresses, and glanced momentarily at some birds flying in the horizon and at the green leaves which floated in the air and actually almost looked black in the dimmer sunlight, before closing his eyes. He stayed motionless and quiet for several minutes against the slightly downward ground, as if any kind of disturbance could crumble the whole area to millions of dangerously sharp pieces. He savored the soft soil beneath his fingers, the unbreakable calming silence this place was blessed with, as if it had been detached from heaven- his brother's presence next to him.

He rolled his face to the side, eyeing his relaxing yet imposing figure. He had one arm beneath his head steadying it, his ponytail's scattered black hairs mingling with green grass and red camellias, which were alongside with his own loose clothes and dark bangs dancing gracefully through the breeze. His aura was so dominating, that it felt as if the entire place was transforming itself, in order to accommodate it. As if everything was willingly and faithfully under his absolute control. His eyelids were closed and yet somehow Sasuke knew that he knew he was looking at him. Deep down, even lying so close to him, part of him knew he was still so distant, so unreachable. _And yet…today…_

His eyes closed tightly. His innocent young features lightened up.

He couldn't hold back _that_ smile.

He turned his head back towards the mostly orange sky. "Look, brother! That cloud over there looks like a kunai!". He snapped all of a sudden, pointing at the specific cloud up above. He didn't realize he had actually spoken until a little later. He didn't mean to bother the older boy, nor break the comforting silence embracing the two. His overall enthusiasm has apparently triggered his rare impulsiveness, taking the better of his mental defenses. He almost felt guilty and disappointed.

He opened his eyes and glanced at his younger brother's over-enthusiastic face, still with a shade of guilt and uncertainty marring its _perfection_. He must have thought that he disturbed him, with his unexpected exclaim. He would normally smile inwardly at his undue worries. Instead he frowned inwardly. He was lying next to him. Just a slight extend of his hand and he could _touch_ him. But he would never. He had discarded his own emotions, battled with his own heart to the death and come out victorious. Just to gradually, slowly and painfully build this invisible barrier around the younger. If he was within it the older prodigy of the Uchiha would be able to feel his skin beneath his slender fingers, and yet wouldn't be able to _touch_ him. If he was within it, he would be safe.

Had his otouto hated him, it would be so much easier to protect him, from himself and his cursed fate. However, all his actions, body language and words practically screamed the opposite, that he wished to always be by his side, that he admired him more than anyone, that he wanted to be just like him. His mother would frequently remind this issue to her beloved older genius, when the younger wasn't around, secretly praising him for becoming the _perfect_ role model for his brother to look up to. He shivered at the thought. Just like him? _Wrong_. He would never allow that. He alone would walk in the darkness gladly to just lead him towards the light. He wished he could really be what the younger thought he was. But that was impossible. Still…Sasuke was the only alive part of himself. He never approved of meaningless fighting and was always known for his pacifistic ideologies, even as a child. He had nonetheless decided long ago, that if someone _touched_ him, he could brutally and slowly maim and burn to ashes everyone they held dear. Right before their eyes. Bathe in their hot blood, stare down at their utter submission and incompetence against him, emotionless, while having absolutely no regret. But that was before…now he possessed the Magenkyou Sharingan. He disgusted himself, and pushed unnecessary thinking aside. "That could as well be a delicious vanilla ice-cream…", he answered eventually following his brother's eyes up to the sky.

Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows, obviously processing what his brother has suggested and in reply he smiled a little and turned with a confused, disbelieving and slightly annoyed face.

" What do you mean? That looks nothing like an ice-cream!"

Itachi smiled gently at him, enjoying his childish facial expressions that disclosed his bewilderment. "Why not?"

"But…",he tried to protest.

"It's all a matter of perspective, Sasuke.", his older brother answered calmly. Even though it appeared otherwise, the seriousness and explaining tone of his voice somehow posed enough evidence for him to believe him. He didn't realize.

Utterly confused, almost shocked, he abruptly stood up in a sitting position and regarded his aniki with still questioning eyes. "Per-…But shouldn't it be at least a little more rounded at the top?" Insecurity overtook him quickly, overflowing through his veins, like they could explode any moment. It happened often around the older, the younger had already figured that out. Had he disappointed his brother even more with the statement? Why couldn't he just for once not remind his beloved brother of what a total disgrace he was? Would he ever again witness this redemptive prideful face?

Itachi smiled slightly closing his eyes. That particular deceiving yet amused smile, which forbade his younger brother to even get a blurry glimpse of his inner turmoil. Besides, it would definitely frighten otouto to know his eyes could analyze him, disarm him, estimate him, foresee him, unlock him, read him clearly-like an open scroll. "You train to become a ninja, thus it's understandable for you to discern it as a kunai. But what about a villager, for example, who has nothing to do with ninja tools? Would they see it as a kunai?"

"No….I guess….", he looked down miserably, regrettably, as if he was being punished. In fact he would wish that he was being punished. It would doubtlessly feel much easier to withstand, than this sense of disappointment reigning down on his heart.

Itachi returned his eyes to the sky, maintaining that smile. Sasuke couldn't understand what he was thinking. As always. He was so close and yet so very far away. Was he blaming him soundlessly in his mind, trying not to reveal anything to him? Did he still want to protect him, because he was weak and fragile? Did he pity him? His grip on the ground tightened. "Besides, the effect of external factors must also be taken onto account….". His Erebus-black eyes darkened even more, as if possible, while his eyelids covered most of them. His distress and misery evident on his young features. Itachi would soon know. He didn't care anymore. He has failed. He lied back again, so unmotivated even to think any longer. His eyes were still locked on his big brother's frame next to him. It pained him to look. His eyes then subconsciously focused back on that damn cloud, which mercilessly demolished his sweet little semblance. The semblance he could someday reach _him_.

He froze.

Incomprehensible sudden noises escaped the back of his throat, as if he was desperately fighting to form coherent words, but was never able to.

A perfect ice-cream.

His eyes shot back to his brother wide in surprise and anticipation. His whole body radiating sheer awe. Pain. Admiration. Fear. Feelings he should never have triggered. Feelings he no longer deserved. Itachi could feel it clearly, like thousands tiny needles piercing through his skin. He didn't even need to look at the younger. That moment… _he hated himself._

Disrupting both his and obviously his otouto's thoughts, he raised an arm pointing to the sky near the cursed cloud. "Just above and right of the kunai were some other smaller, lighter clouds. I'm sure you noticed. The breeze blows from north-east…", his right arm moved accordingly. "…so I guessed it would only relocate the little clouds first without deconstructing the thicker cloudy mass, thus creating the image of an ice-cream, before defusing it thoroughly." His arm was now resting on his abdomen and he kept his eyes at the sky, not daring to look at the younger. Such an insignificant matter shouldn't mean anything to his brother. Still… he felt the other's disappointment swimming in the black oceans of his eyes. He was staring at him, as if he was accusing him, because he was dying to _touch_ him…and he still walked away just out of reach every time.

This day shouldn't have turned out like this, he couldn't help but swallow. Sasuke saw it. But it appeared as if he actually just looked through it. As if he wasn't even staring at his brother's slender figure, but straight in the eyes of his own incompetence, at his own lack of _perfection_. His aniki embodied everything he strived to achieve, his ultimate goal, which now felt as far as infinity. Maybe even further. Just Sasuke's harsh breathing could reveal that much to Itachi. He had this unique and extremely useful (according to the Anbu) gift of deciphering others' emotions even if they are almost non-existent, and judge the course of action, exploiting them effectively to their favor. This was beyond mere intelligence, the few who didn't hate him, because of doubt or envy, commented frequently. They wouldn't imagine, it could possibly be used against him. Just as it was happening now. Otherwise he would be able to smile and ignore the deeper meaning beneath the apparent astonishment. Maybe that way Sasuke could feel somehow secure, as if it wasn't anything worth worrying about. His younger brother was however more clever than that. He found meaning beneath every word and action. At least if it was concerning Itachi. Still he directed towards the younger that particular bright, gentle smile, hoping desperately and futilely that his otouto would just stop caring. He felt completely useless and defenseless, at a loss of what he had better do. _At moments like this…_

"Incredible…Nii-san…" He tried morphing it to actually sound as a mere exclamation of amazement and admiration. He tragically failed.

 _…_ _he just poked him on the forehead._

Although it commonly tensed him, he always, maybe even subconsciously, savored the light, playful, endearing touch of the specific two pale long fingers. They were those seldom seconds that his older brother was the one trying to reach him. Even if he was in fact just keeping him at a painful, insurmountable distance. Right now, it just felt as if he was laughing at his mournful, powerless face inwardly, struggling gently to push the disgrace the younger was, away from him, still wishing not to hurt him. Still pitying him. He hated this. Though he knew it was the best he deserved. He was nothing but an utter failure after all. No matter how much blood he spilled, his own or his enemies', he could never _touch_ him. No matter how deafeningly he screamed, he could never get him to _hear_ him. No matter how breathlessly he ran, he was always deliberately only a _step away_. He knew from the very beginning it was in vain to try so hard. Yet he still never gave up. It was high time he did. He turned his emotionless look, disguised in a fake porcelain smile toward the sky again. He felt empty. Meaningless. Just because of one… _is nii-san even human?_. He disgusted himself.

Abruptly returning to reality from the chaos inside his mind and heart, he found out several moments in a life-threatening silence had gone by. His brother looked lost in his own thoughts, which he couldn't find the courage to imagine. He was lying next to his brother. They were only billions of universes apart.

"Brother, do you believe….one day….I could be like you?"

He knew the answer all too well and even so he asked. As if he was trying to confirm that through the guiding words of the older. As if he was subconsciously fighting to persuade his own self of the impossibility of everything he yearned for his entire life.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sasuke…of course not…". The reply came natural, in the matter-of-factly rendition of Itachi's voice, who didn't spare him a look. In his mind, he had already accepted it. Awkwardly, Sasuke's eyes closed almost satisfied. He felt as if he was at least being faced as a worthy equal and not a naive child. He exhaled in utter gratitude and relief for his older brother's honesty.

Itachi then turned his face towards him, with closed eyes, the ankles of which mirrored kindness and a raw gentle smile illuminating his pale features. _That_ smile.

"…in every aspect…you're going to be better than me!"

Hollow eyes were certainly focused on his slowly moving lips, when the older said those words, but Sasuke's face seemed completely unmoved, uninterested, as if they have pervaded his mind without encountering any barricade, not allowing it to comprehend them appropriately. For two plain moments they simply regarded one another. Black-hair-rounded faces opposite of each other, buried between green grass and red camellia. His two black hells turning to ash, the same paradise he wished to never leave. For _he_ belonged here. Roaming in the endless dark corridors in the labyrinth of the older's eyes.

They were the part of the body that betrayed human emotions the easiest, exposing them, abandoning them naked and vulnerable to any hit. A shinobi's most feared part. And yet he was never defenseless, dependent, weak. He was sealed, locked behind thousands of unbending doors. As if the only person in this world who had the strength to outwit and mislead his own self. Hide from his own self. He was never vulnerable. He was perfect. _And so Sasuke stopped running._ The faint sunlight that barely reached his hells looked as if it was being consumed by them when it touched them, deadlier than a black hole.

He looked void of emotion. And yet the older found himself unable to diverge his gaze away from those eyes too similar to his own. As if he was searching for his otouto's real self inside them. He wondered if that was his real self. If he was the one to create this self. The intensity and still beautiful nothingness bore holes on his whole body and he invisibly shuddered. And yet he was so inexplicably drawn to them. As if he was feeling a cursed black diamond. The world around them faded.

 _…_ _you're going to be better than me…_

The fingers of his hand that was lying between them, twisted. He preserved only slight control of his self anyway.

… _better than me_ …

He turned his whole frame, gazing bluntly at the sky again. He subconsciously repeated his brother's words on his mind, not even making an effort to process their meaning. They didn't matter anymore. He had lost. He was lost.

 _…_ _in every aspect…you're going to be better than me…_

He rushed in a sitting position with his hands still feeling the cool ground. His eyes opening widely in shock and confusion. Madness. Hope. So wide, Itachi thought his eyeballs would in any moment pop out of his skull. They ached deeply, small arteries visible on the edge. He quickly turned his face towards his brother, obviously expecting a clarification or even a confirmation he had actually heard those words and not imagined them. He had said them, right? He wasn't going insane? His every breath caught in his throat, before he could exhale normally wishing to calm the rapidly increasing beating of his frail young heart, which he was sure would eventually break his chest apart and escape his body. He started trebling hard. The oxygen reaching his lungs felt like fire smoldering his insides, one cell at a time. The blood in his veins seemingly stilling, freezing and then abruptly running again in inhuman speeds throughout his small fragile frame. Itachi faced him seriously, worrying his slender body wouldn't be able to bear the emotional eruption. He was guilty indeed, but he would lie to deny he didn't prefer this unstable state of emotions rather than no emotions at all.

"But-", he futilely endeavored to reply. His mind couldn't concentrate to form words. It just struggled to focus on his older brother, clinging to his every slightest movement as if his existence depended on this next answer, which didn't come. His grip on the ground tightened. He felt he needed to hold onto something, to assure himself he was still conscious, he wasn't dreaming. For these particular words were his dream. His ambition. His entire life. He felt every nerve in his body going numb, staring at his aniki as if he was tying him with chains and forcing him to say something. Say he had heard correctly. Say he wasn't crazy. Say he wasn't so weak. Say he truly believed in his potential to become stronger, surpassing him, becoming the meaning of perfection, just like _he_ was. And in that utopian case…say those words again.

His lips parted, but the words he needed to tell couldn't come out of. As if the last ray of hope, he wished didn't still linger in the deepest part of his heart, was desperately securing them in, even after everything that has happened, trying to save what's left of the younger Uchiha's self. But _he_ said that. Just when he had painfully but truthfully accepted the predestined fate, of always running and never catching up, _he said_ that.

If he wasn't that young, that naïve, that innocent, it would horrify him, to even begin to imagine just how terrible the pain of failing _him_ again now would be. It would horrify him, how dangerously much he needed to just be able to walk beside _him_ , protecting _him_ from anything threatening to stain _his_ perfection, keeping _him_ safe within his two pale cold palms. Plainly eradicating anything that wished to steal _him_ away from him. If he wasn't that young, that naïve, that innocent, he might have realised… he just wanted to confine _him_.

 _…_ _you're going to be better than me…_

"But… the cloud… I couldn't… I can't be as… and father always says…", he exclaimed suddenly, more like answering to his own doubts, fears and insecurities, than to the utterly worried, if not panicked older brother before him, who was fighting internally to mask those emotions underneath this common calm and collected demeanor of his, although his unbalanced aura betrayed him.

Sasuke looked as if he was being reanimated in the world of the living after an eternity lost in death, which he so ruthlessly had delivered, even without noticing. But that was always his biggest mistake anyway, he thought. Even when he wished to guard him from any enemy, first and foremost his own self, he now felt as if he was the one punching unconsciously the vulnerable glass of the wall, he was struggling to wrap around his otouto. And he could only stare with dead, helpless dark eyes the slow shattering of this protective boundary he was building his whole life, by lying and pushing him away, being artistically demolished by his own carnivorous slender fingers. He could only pity himself to the point where disgust tasted dreamily, for he had failed. During many years of gathering experience, while tackling the deadliest of opponents, carrying the title of the genius Uchiha prodigy, no one was ever honored to feel the satisfaction of seeing his defenses crack. The ecstasy of discerning the slightest bit of anxiety, fear or agony on his perfect porcelain face. He was always the one who never needed an Anbu mask to hide his humanity remnants. And for that emotionless, merciless, cold, pure composure, he was praised, admired, envied, desired.

Even so he fell to his knees before two innocent, pure black diamonds. His head bowed down, as if worshipping his irreplaceable King. He feared, it almost was exactly like this. Was it Sasuke's existence, was it his constant screaming for him, needing him, what overpowered him? Or was he just that fragile in his deeply concealed dark core? It's been a long time before anything or anyone could manage to make his being able to breathe an unbelievable feat. So that's how it felt to be frightened. And it was frightening indeed, the impact the younger Uchiha had on him. He was the only one who could expose him. He was a danger. A threat. And yet the only remaining ray of light in his world of obscurity. Looking away from his broken face and back at the sky, trying his hardest to reorder his threatening-to-explode mind, he answered sincerely, as if sharing the only truth he would ever admit to him, feeling black hells welcoming him, in their comforting abyssal darkness, embracing him like a treasured blessing, caressing him with greedy deadly nails, which ripped apart anything that endeavored to save him. _For he was their own._

"Father believes in you, Sasuke. That's why, he's always pushing you to train and become stronger. Because he can see you have potential. He trusts your capabilities. But even if he didn't…. people live by what they deem as true and false, what they accept as reality and illusion. Even if father or anyone else thought of you as a disgrace, that's their reality. It has nothing to do with mine. I believe…". He turned to smile gently at him again, unable to stop himself from attacking his own fortress –in the end his otouto has always been stronger than him- the light radiated from his pale face, and sudden warmness surrounded the younger like a silky sheet. "… I believe…you're made for great things, Sasuke. One day, you're bound to surpass both me and father …".

And the world stopped. _Wrong_. As his big hand roamed slowly through soft dark hairs. Slender fingers sending goosebumps throughout his body. Liberating words rushing like life-giving oxygen in his veins. He could only stand still, completely at the mercy of the face that was the center of his everything. And that world, he has built around him, was now crumbling into ashes around them. Widened in terror and shock, erebus black crystal eyes turned slowly upwards to get a as clear as possible glimpse of the older's smile, still questioning his own senses if what he had heard wasn't a creation of his vivid, pathetic imagination. His mind drifted. He forgot he needed to breath.

Tears formed at the edges of his petrified bottomless black hells, refusing to slide down the pale smooth skin of his cheeks, as if it would expose his already unmistakably apparent weakness. And he kept staring at the older as if he wasn't even real. Could actually anything that flawless exist in the stained, filthy human world? He opened his mouth to speak, but he just couldn't gather the strength to resist, to argue, with ironically…everything he ever wanted.

 _…_ _you're made for great things…_

No. He wasn't crazy. _He_ had actually said those words. _He_ believed in him. _He_ trusted him. _He_ depended on him. _He_ supported him. _He_ was indifferent to whatever the others thought of him. _He_ didn't blame him. _He_ didn't pity him. _He didn't hate him._

He was too frozen to even attempt to think. Yet his frail body was once again threatening to faint, against the wrathful, passionate waves of emotions that flushed his body. A slight sad smile almost invisible on his face, instantly expressed his inner chaos precisely to Itachi. He was _saved_. The genius sighed inaudibly. He was grateful. He slowly, feebly raised his small hands and grasped the bigger hand of the older, which lay still on his head, feeling the warmness rush to his own skin. He closed his eyes, savoring the exact moment, when his brother was just his own, like it was his last. His thin fingers held the elder's hand carefully, smoothly as if it was cotton and at the same time the only rope binding him to life.

"Thank you… brother…", he just managed to whisper.

And he smiled.

 _That_ smile. That smile that was worth galaxies. That was worth every second he breathed. Walking in darkness alone for eternity was worth it, for that smile. Throwing his life in hell a thousand times, was worth it. Every soul he condemned, every emotion he killed, every illusion he created, every betrayal, every scream, every tear, every lie, was worth it. He remembered why he had agreed to sell his soul to the devil. He remembered clearly as the morning sky, why he had agreed to _become_ the devil. And if this smile has any chance of once again illuminating his last hope's face in the future, then he would agree to it a million times over.

For that smile which always _saved_ him.

For that smile he could no longer savor in the thick smoke.

He wished it wasn't poisonous, for his otouto would probably not achieve to hold his breath in time and endeavored to turn his head behind him, towards his sibling's unique chakra signature, ignoring the tips of six katanas against his neck, threatening to draw blood.

"You make the slightest move, you filthy Uchiha, I kill the brat."

His eyes, more exhausted than scared, fell on his younger brother's fragile form, struggling against his captor's experienced muscled arms. "Don't involve him.", he plainly almost ordered, as he slowly raised his eyes to the culprit and his calm gaze turned into a murderous glare, more scorching than hellish fire, more freezing than arctic ice, and he vaguely wondered if his eyes mirrored the hundred different ways he had promised himself long ago that he would torture anyone, who dared lay a cursed hand on his otouto's unstained skin.

Sasuke gulped under the intensity of those ever-gentle black orbs, glimmering like priceless emeralds, chaining the enemies down as if they could manipulate gravity. He ceased fighting against his prisoner, feeling the temperature of their little haven dropping fast, sending shivers down their spine and unwillingly focused on those eyes, wondering how it was possible for anything to be so mesmerizing, so affectionate and yet so _lethal_. He remembered that feeling, a destructive chaos of fear and adrenaline, forcing his body to tremble uncontrollably, as he witnessed, partially hidden behind the wooden door of their house, the black marks swirling in a sea of blood, transforming into the living nightmare of the next victim.

His brother hasn't even activated it yet.

He wondered if they would flee on sight, running for their pathetic lives, if he did. He wanted to see it. He wanted to see them beg his brother for mercy. He heard distant voices. Somewhere between his thoughts, he had missed their words. There was no need to hear. The blood on his brother's neck was undeniable, as the blades sipped deeper with every slight motion. He made no sound of discomfort and continued to discuss with them, not losing his composure even at a crisis like this. Even if it was an army, his brother could take it. Even if they were older, more experienced, bigger, better, faster, stronger he could take them. Even bleeding to death, he could take them. Even with one arm, or one leg or blind, he could make them regret. Because he was _Itachi._

And yet he wasn't moving. Helplessly abiding by their orders. Bowing his head to his opponent, accepting defeat and disgrace. Because of _him_. Because he was weak. Because he was a failure, an obstacle, a burden. Because he was a still a child, who needed protection. He gritted his teeth so hard, he could swear they bled. His nails leaving red marks on his palms. He felt the sudden urge to vomit his self-disgust out. _He hated it. He hated them. more than anything, he hated himself._

The world spiraled to damnation, before him and all he could see was his brother. Placing his life over his pride. Over his own. And his heart skipped the next beat. His blood froze in his veins.

 _Will they kill him?_

His brother turned to him and smiled. _That_ smile.

 _Will I lose him?_

Chakra restraints were being placed around his hands, as he whispered lovingly to the younger.

 _Forever?_

"I'm sorry Sasuke, maybe next time."

In a moment of silence, the world was set ablaze.

He didn't remember, how he had reached the branch of the tree, safe and sound, meters afar from the crime scene. He didn't remember, how he had bitten his captor's arm so harsh it bled, or how he had reached for the paperbomb in his pouch. He didn't remember the universe blurring in cold colors. The absolute fear or the despair. He only remembered a soft touch on his shoulders and a kind, velvety voice against his ears.

 _You saved us._

He jumped to the ground, and light blinded his eyes. A bright, other-worldly hallo of light around a lithe figure. Maybe it was heaven, blessing its soldier with the power to cleanse souls. He could almost see the dark, gleaming wings extending from his back. Only an angel could be compared to _him_. Soaring between the unholy as swiftly, as smoothly as the wind, dancing between them to the music of metal against metal and terrified yells, generously delivering salvation in ceremonious silence, effortlessly disrupting the flow of reality, as elegant as the caress of a sinner. He could only be compared to an angel. _An angel of death._

He stood victorious over a pile of dead bodies. And turned his head towards his only bind to sanity, the gift-sword still in his hand, dripping the evidence of their dominance. And he wished the younger wouldn't see the pieces of his defense falling, would never see his pain, his guilt, his regret. For all the lives he was about to destroy. For the life of his most beloved, that he was about to set on fire. He extended his arm towards him.

And Sasuke has never felt this addictively _strong._

A life without him must mean hell, he concluded.

"Nii-san, let's train together again soon."

He drunk the last drops of the liberating liquor and violently threw the empty bottle, watching it break into a thousand small pieces on the ground. A mental image of pressing each piece in a different place of a body, bathed in the screams of the victim, left a strangely delicious aftertaste on his tongue. He was swaying enough to risk a fall, but not enough to eradicate a battalion. The katana, loosely held in his left arm was marking his path on the soil with its tip through the dirt and the its blade dripping blood.

He didn't regret having run his sword through the unlucky, ignorant peasant. He regretted not killing him. He regretted not doing the world the favor of shutting the damned mouth of the mindless scum once and for all. He regretted hesitating. At the sight of blond hair and blue eyes.

He couldn't know of course. Nobody knew the truth. Lies were convenient, lies allowed them to sleep at night, lies persuaded them they were heroes and not villains. Lies were beautiful and painless. Lies were salvation. Lies blessed him with the courage of proudly wearing his Leaf insignia and so fearlessly drinking with his friends. Lies flourished the courage to so carelessly open his bingo book and curse the name of the terminator of the most powerful clan. Lies were the reason he was now bleeding to death.

Lies were the reason he was laughing.

 _Everyone was laughing._

It echoed in his ears. It reverberated in his mind. It throbbed in his blood. It crawled underneath his skin, like an ever-consuming parasite.

 _Everyone was laughing. At the cost of_ his _life._

Why couldn't he just forget? He cursed all deities. Why couldn't he ignore this hole in his chest just for one night? Why did he have to remember _that_ day now? Why couldn't he erase the feelings taking over his body like it was yesterday? Like he had never come home to a graveyard. Like he had never lost everything from the same angel of death he so worshipped. Like he had never abandoned every hope of happiness and sold his soul for power. Like his own angel had never lain lifeless next to him.

In the end he was the same. Living in a masterfully crafted illusion. His steps predetermined. The favorite puppet of the puppeteer.

He should have known better. He smirked. It tasted like poison. Itachi knew they were being followed. Itachi knew they might get attacked, and still took him along. Even with their lives both threatened, Itachi could have saved them in a blink of an eye. Yet he had decided not to. He had decided to test him. To teach him.

So maybe he remembered because it was one of the most important days of his miserable existence. Because he remembered everything that bore the stain of his brother's soft, deadly touch. Because he had been taught the lesson that would define his whole life.

His hold on the hilt of his katana tightened and his oath was cemented. He had nothing but a vision in red. The only way to make them stop laughing. Once and for all.

 **To love is to sacrifice.**

The sun was rising in the horizon as he took the last step into the darkness.

 **To love is to hurt.**

God save the universe that would dare stand in his way.

 **To love is to protect.**

A flash of familiar yellow and blue disrupted the perfect vision of his dream.

 **To love is to forgive.**

 _Because I'm your friend..._ He would be the first to die.

 **To love is to regret.**

He is the real thing. That is his way. He replays the vivid, horrid image in his mind, he can feel it, taste it, smell it, _see it_. See it with the bone-crushing clarity of his new eyes. So he laughs, uproots his soul and abandons it in hell.

And he hates.

Because he always loved too much.

 **To love is to hate.**


End file.
